Episode 16
The Doula's Story: AJ SILVER of QUEER BIRTH CLUB
The delightful AJ Silver joins me this week for an entertaining and very moving chat about their traumatic first birth experience, which led them to go on to train and work as a Doula. We discuss everything from the difficulties faced by same sex couples within the perinatal system, to the warmth of our pets tummies and killer flapjacks!
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:35] Introduction to AJ Silver of Queer Birth Club.
[05:44] What a Doula actually does.
[08:55] The important of advocacy for parents.
[10:07] The birth outcomes of people using a Doula.
[11:16] How doulas are generally regarded by the medical profession.
[13:46] AJ's own experience of giving birth.
[14:43] Their first birth - lots of intervention and feeling like a passenger.
[16:20] Deciding to become a Doula following a much happier second birth.
[19:07] Judgement - for being gay and being fat. BMI being used as a cut off for gallstone treatment.
[23:55] The difficulties faced by same sex couples in the perinatal system.
[33:54] How many in the LGBT+ community are at increased risk of experiencing negative perinatal health outcomes or difficulties, especially Trans or non-binary parents.
[37:18] Lesbian couples registering births is increasing year on year by 15-20%, over the last 10 years.
[38:56] Across the world, more and more people are coming out every year. Nearly half of 18-24 year olds in 2015 didn't consider themselves to be entirely heterosexual.
[47:00] AJ's early days with their first daughter - "I felt like my body didn't work". Chest-feeding difficulties.
[50:03] How the Doula training helped AJ come to terms with what happened with their first birth.
[55:19] AJ's guide to killer porridge and flapjacks with grated apple!
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Doulas support in pregnancy, birth and in the postnatal period by providing information, advocacy, and offering practical and emotional support to the whole family.
- Doula UK
- Same sex couples often face discrimination within the medical system, especially in terms of IVF and fertility.
- LGBT Mummies
- There are barriers faced by non-gestational mums in terms of accessing parental services.
- The Queer Birth Club - how to get hold of AJ.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 17, Dr Rebecca Moore joins me for a Blue MumDays special discussing birth trauma. Rebecca is a perinatal psychiatrist, mother and co-founder of 'Make Birth Better', a collective of experts who offer support, training and campaign around birth trauma and vicarious trauma. One not to miss.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: app@app-network.org
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: info@apni.org
Live chat online facility
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
email: info@bipolaruk.org
Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Email: lwise@talktalk.net (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
- helpline: 0808 808 3555
- website: https://contact.org.uk/
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- helpline: 0808 800 2222
- website: www.familylives.org.uk
Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
- helpline: 0808 801 0366
- website: www.frg.org.uk
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
fivexmore@gmail.com
Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
- helpline: 0808 802 0925
- website: www.gingerbread.org.uk
A directory of mental health support around the UK.
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: contact@lgbtmummies.com
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: hello@makebirthbetter.org
Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to
arrange
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
hello@musicfootballfatherhood.com
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: info@mwnhelpline.co.uk
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: counselling@petalscharity.org
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email asktwinline@twinstrust.org.
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: midwife@tommys.org
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
