Episode 2

The Lockdown Mum: EMILY GOLDHILL

Published on: 27th December, 2021

I speak to Emily Goldhill about what it was like to have her baby during the height of the Covid pandemic in 2020. From her husband not being able to attend scans, to a lack of support and activities during the early months, it heavily contributed to her developing postnatal depression. Becoming a new parent can be isolating and lonely at the best of the times, so I can't imagine how hard it must have felt during lockdown.

*Apologies for the audio quality on this episode, thanks in part to a dodgy Zoom connection and an overzealous Siamese cat called Brandy *

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Introduction to Emily Goldhill

[02:23] Navigating starting nursery and the return to work

[04:29] Emily's life before pregnancy

[05:40] Falling pregnant at the start of the Covid 19 pandemic

[07:32] Not being able to have her husband attend the scans

[09:26] How this affected Emily's mental health

[12:26] Early awareness of Covid - how it altered Emily's experience of being pregnant

[15:53] Expectations of what pregnancy 'should be like' vs. lived experience

[20:34] Giving birth in the pandemic. "My husband basically missed the birth" - not being listened to during labour

[26:45] The impact this had on Emily's postnatal illness

[28:57] Taking baby Ernie home for the first time

[30:41] More than the baby blues - "I can't do this"

[33:15] Emily's lack of a support network, due to the Pandemic

[35:10] How Covid 'cancelled' their first family Christmas

[36:44] Feelings of guilt and inadequacy - "they'd be better off without me"

[39:37] Trying to get support - talking therapy

[40:38] Not being seen as a pregnant mother due to Covid - lack of baby groups etc.

[42:25] The dangers of social media and Googling for new mums

[46:25] Starting to recover - feeling more in control

[47:35] Thinking about the return to work

[48:45] How being out and about again in the world more has helped

[50:58] How every baby and every mother is different - there is no set way of doing things.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

Transitions like the start of nursery or the return to work can cause anxiety for any parent, so if you feel your symptoms being triggered by change, then you are not alone.
How being pregnant during Covid can make you feel robbed of the experience you thought you might or should have had.
It's good to have your partner or someone who can advocate for you at the birth, to ensure you feel listened to during your labour.
The need to be 'seen' during your pregnancy - how this can impact on your experience of becoming a new mum.
It can be dangerous to compare yourself to other mums and your approaches to motherhood - especially on social media.
Beware of obsessive Googling - there is no right way of doing things (instead a lot of different approaches) and the conflicting information can be overwhelming.
Every baby and every mother is different, and with time you'll set your own rhythm. Believe in yourself and your instincts. You will get to know your baby better than anyone.
Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale

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NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 3 I’ll be talking to Elliott Rae of 'Music, Football, Fatherhood'. Elliott founded MFF after suffering from PTSD following the traumatic birth of his daughter. He has subsequently become one of the UK’s most prominent speakers on fatherhood, masculinity and mental health, with the BBC describing MFF as the "Dad's version of Mumsnet".

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated

Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Email: info@apni.org